


A Simple Misunderstanding

by ms_worplesdon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Sexual Misunderstanding, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 21:03:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2826023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ms_worplesdon/pseuds/ms_worplesdon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neville likes Harry. He just doesn't want to get pissed on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Simple Misunderstanding

**Author's Note:**

> This fic contains oblique reference to watersports. However, it DOES NOT CONTAIN GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF UROPHILIA – please do not be scared. Or disappointed.

Neville Longbottom had dated exactly two men in his life. His first brief fumblings with a very closeted Zacharias Smith during seventh year didn’t count as dating. At least, not to Neville they didn’t.  
  
His first real relationship lasted exactly 5 months, 1 week, two days and 7 and a quarter hours. This was a disappointment to him, because he was rather looking forward to having an anniversary of sorts. Anthony was a wonderful first shag, very thoughtful and caring. Neville really liked him, in spite of Anthony's slightly bizarre jealousy of most people in general who tried to socialize with him– he even gave Harry suspicious looks– but life with him was otherwise fairly nice. They cooked together and shared books back and forth. Anthony held his hand a lot and was very attentive.  
  
Then he pissed on him in the shower.  
  
Without asking, mind.  
  
Neville... just wasn’t into that. And though he liked Anthony a lot, he realized rather quickly that he didn’t like him nearly enough to let him do something like that.  
  
And that was that.  
  
Neville’s second relationship was with Percy Weasley. It was a whirlwind of sex and intensity. Who could have known that Percy was such an incredible shag? Neville was introduced to several different kinds of sex toys, rimming, public sex (including the Minister’s office) and the WWW sex enhancement potion  _Whee_ , which turned backrubs into spiritual experiences.  
  
It was during their second month together that they began playing with bondage. Percy begged to tie him up, and he was happy to try it. As he lay spread eagled on the bed, Percy standing over him, Neville wondered where he’d begin. Sucking him off? Rubbing and teasing?  
  
When Percy opened his mouth to speak, Neville waited for what would doubtless be an exciting suggestion.  
  
“I want to piss on you, Neville. All over you.”  
  
Neville was sorry to break it off, but it became clear that it was something Percy really wanted. He managed to do so with no hard feelings, and when they said goodbye he slipped Anthony’s floo address into Percy’s hand.  
  
It seemed like the least he could do.  
  
  
  
It was perhaps another four months after that he found himself at boys' night at the Leakey with only one other boy.  
  
Harry Potter.  
  
“So where is everyone?” Neville asked.  
  
“You’re late,” Harry replied cheerfully. “I’ll forgive you though, because this is my third pint.”  
  
Neville raised his eyebrows, smiling.  
  
“Is it now?”  
  
Harry nodded happily.  
  
“Yeah! It is! The beer tastes so good tonight. And foamy. The bubbles are so tiny you can’t even  _see_  them. Seamus is with Dean at St. Mungo’s. Dean took a slider on a paint tube this afternoon and broke his ankle. Ron is with Hermione at her folks’ place.”  
  
“So it’s just you and me, then?”  
  
“Won’t it be great?” he replied enthusiastically. "I never get to talk to just you by yourself,  _do_  I? Now I can ask you all the embarrassing questions you’ve never wanted anyone to ask.”  
  
He was entirely too chipper for that late in the evening...and weird.  
  
“Well,” Neville replied, bracing himself. “Ask away.”  
  
Harry considered. “Did you know that Lavender just moved in with Hannah Abbott?”  
  
“No. Er, that’s nice?”  
  
“Yes. It is.” Harry answered seriously as he filled a glass for Neville from the pitcher. Neville took a swig. “They say they want to have a baby.”  
  
“They’re what now?”  
  
“Yes.” Harry replied cryptically. “You aren’t still seeing Percy, are you?”  
  
Neville shook his head. “Did Luna tell you that? I didn’t know anyone even knew about that, to be honest. It wasn’t for very long and we never announced it to anyone.”  
  
Harry nodded sagely and then polished off his beer. “No worries. Everybody knew,” he said quickly. “Would you like to have something to eat? They have this thing they’re serving here now called a  _blooming onion_.” This appeared to be the most fascinating thing in the world to Harry right at that moment. “It’s a whole big sweet onion, and they cut it just so and they dip it in something and fry it and you can grab off pieces of it and eat them like chips. It’s brilliant!”  
  
“Sure, I’ll try it,” Neville agreed.  
  
“And it comes with  _sauce_.”  
  
“That’s great, Harry.” Neville wondered if Harry was always this ‘on’ after a few.  
  
“I got ambushed by George and Ron today, and they slipped something in my tea this afternoon and now I just want to touch everything,” Harry gushed.  
  
Ah. Mystery solved.  
  
“Just feel your glass!”  
  
“It’s a very nice glass, yes. I think I’ll pour another pint into it, yes?” Now that he knew what was wrong, Neville felt much better about humouring him.  
  
“That’s a brilliant idea.  _You’re brilliant_.”  
  
Neville blushed at the compliment. Even though Harry was three sheets, he still had a knee jerk, visceral, gut reaction to positive attention from him.  
  
Harry continued to move his hand up and down the glass slowly, caressing it.  
  
Neville gulped.  
  
Truth was, he’d carried a bit of a torch since Hogwarts. Harry was his earliest wank fodder. He was always so nice to him, and never looked down on him. Plus, he had a spectacular arse. How wonderful it would be if he liked men.  
  
“I bet it would feel really good to take a piss right now.”  
  
Or not.  
  
  
  
That Friday found Neville back at the Leakey, annoyed. He just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with the Non-Venemous Tentacula he’d been breeding. There was no discernable reason for it to be doing so poorly. Perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be, but he was going to try again, and giving himself a pep talk over a pint was his preferred activity in the wake of the day’s stress.  
  
“Neville.”  
  
It was Harry.  
  
“Hello, Harry. What brings you out tonight?”  
  
Harry shrugged. “Nothing, really. I just thought I’d see who was around. Lucky for me you were here. May I join you?”  
  
“Of course. Please.” Neville motioned to the seat across from him. He did his best not to look too wary. Which he wasn’t...exactly. However, his track record wasn’t very good so far with these things, and he would hate to see a really good dream die. It didn’t help that Harry was so bloody attractive. Neville could never be in his presence for more than thirty minutes before veering off into “may I get those trousers for you?” territory.  
  
“Er. I wanted to apologise for the other night. George thought it would be a laugh to slip me  _Whee_  and see what I would do around the rest of you. Ron not being there to witness it took the wind out of his sails. I think he hoped I’d expose my great dirty secret or something.”  
  
“Great dirty secret?” Neville repeated.  
  
“Well, he didn’t succeed, I can tell you that. Of course,” Harry suddenly looked a little shy for some reason. “I very nearly told you.”  
  
“Really?” Neville was at the same time flattered and frightened.  
  
“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I think you would understand.”  
  
“Well, I suppose you can tell me sometime if you really want to,” Neville replied.  
  
Harry’s face brightened. “I just might do. Thanks, mate.”  
  
“What are you up to these days, Harry?”  
  
Harry scratched his nose and looked at his glass.  
  
“Well, I’m just about done with Auror training. They’re threatening to partner me with Malfoy, and I’m not so sure about that.”  
  
“Are they really? If it’s any consolation, I hear he’s not so bad these days.”  
  
“Well, maybe it’s just a school rivalry thing, but he seemed to make it a sport of calling attention to my every mistake in training.”  
  
Neville shook his head in sympathy and took a swig.  
  
“If he keeps it up I’ll make it a sport to piss him off.”  
  
Neville choked a bit back into his beer glass.  
  
“Well, I’m sure that everything will be fine,” Neville replied hastily.  
  
“Do you think so?” Harry asked earnestly. “You are much better at reading people than I am, I suspect.”  
  
Neville sincerely hoped not.  
  
“So, er. Have you ever been to the Muggle cinema?” Harry asked somewhat nervously.  
  
“No, I haven’t. What’s it like?”  
  
“It’s brilliant! Um, would you like to go?”  
  
“Definitely. I’d just need to know where to go and all that. Are they hard to get to?”  
  
“I meant we could go. Together. Sometime.”  
  
Neville paused. Was he being asked out on a  _date?_  
  
“Maybe we could do that, sure.” Neville’s bladder suddenly felt unbearably full. “I’ll be right back.”  
  
Neville had just taken it out when Harry walked in and stood at the urinal.  
  
Right next to him.  
  
“Hey,” he nodded.  
  
“It’s crowded out there, huh?” Harry said awkwardly.  
  
“Yep.”  
  
An awkward silence ensued. Neville tried to focus on the task at hand without thinking about the fact that Harry’s cock was less than two feet away from him.  
  
 _Please don’t let him be into piss_ , Neville thought to himself.  
  
As he glanced over he saw Harry’s eyes locked on his cock, which was presently letting forth a stream of urine.  
  
 _Fucking hell._  
  
  
  
After waking up the next day with a wet spot in his pants from a vivid dream of Harry sucking him off, Neville decided that he needed real advice. Helpful advice. Advice that would be potentially difficult to understand.  
  
He called Luna.  
  
Her head floated in front of him happily munching on something that looked suspiciously like a phallus.  
  
“Hello, Neville. I’ll be right over,” she said as though expecting it.  
  
“How did you–?”  
  
“You’re making your Big Things face. And your Pee face, which is similar, but has it’s own distinct expression. Stand back.”  
  
Luna dusted herself off and made herself comfortable on the sofa.  
  
“I don’t suppose you have any cuttlefish syrup? Red Light daikon is delicious going down, but it does leave a bit of an aftertaste.”  
  
“Er. Sorry, no.”  
  
Luna shrugged. “Pity.” She smiled at him expectantly. “Then tell me why you’re making your faces. Is it Harry?”  
  
Neville never failed to be taken aback by the way she cut right to the heart of the matter.  
  
“Yeah. Pretty much.”  
  
“He can’t have told you he wants to pee on you already. You’re not even dating yet, are you?”  
  
“You think he’d want to date me? I’ve never seen him go out with a bloke.” Neville asked critically.  
  
“Nor a woman,” Luna pointed out.  
  
“Not since Ginny, you’re right,” he conceded. “Do you think he’s gay?”  
  
“I remember the way he used to look at Ron,” she said thoughtfully. “And I think he’s lonely.”  
  
“I’ve always really liked him,” Neville said, almost to himself.  
  
“Yes,” Luna smiled. “I remember the way you looked at  _him_ , too. Why are you making your pee face, then?”  
  
Neville’s heart overflowed with gratitude. He really  _could_  tell her anything.  
  
“It’s just that...well...some of the things he says make me think that he’s into that. Luna, am I a piss magnet?”  
  
Luna giggled. “No, Neville. You’re not. You have a lovely aura. Though, I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. You should be more adventurous,” she suggested, grinning.  
  
“Tsk.” Neville rolled his eyes slightly. “It’s not that I’m not willing to try things, but I’d prefer not to get peed on, thanks. That’s easy enough to understand, isn’t it?” he asked plaintively.  
  
“Of course it is. But what if Harry’s the one? What if he’d rather you did the pissing? Would you be willing to try it for the one you’ve dreamt about since you were a boy?”  
  
She really did have a way of putting things.  
  
  
  
Neville owled Harry inviting him over for dinner. He was determined to figure all this out. He knew he wanted him. Just thinking about the possibility of getting to kiss him was making him hard.  
  
He’d do best to clear off the dining table.  
  
One hour and 13 cleaning charms later, Neville looked around his flat in satisfaction. Everything was tidy and spotless. He made the bed up with fresh linens...and even cast a  _Plasticitus_  on the mattress.  
  
Just in case.  
  
  
  
Harry arrived just slightly before seven, just as Neville was finishing the dinner preparations.  
  
“Hello?” Harry called from the sitting room.  
  
“Be right there,” Neville called back.  
  
Harry popped into the kitchen. “I brought beer,” he said cheerfully.  
  
Neville smiled as he looked up and felt his brain come to a stuttering halt as he took in the sight before him. Harry was positively mouth watering. He wore Muggle denims and an untucked grey oxford, both of which seemed to sort of drape across him in all the right places.  
  
Neville dropped the spoon.  
  
“Excellent. Yes. Beer. How are you?” he babbled.  
  
“Pretty well,” he shrugged. “You?”  
  
“Good. Great. Yeah.” Neville’s vocabulary was suffering.  
  
“I was glad to get your owl,” he continued. “I was worried that I’d scared you off completely.” He looked a bit nervous, and Neville took pity on him.  
  
“Of course not, don’t be silly.”  
  
Harry smiled at that. “I’m glad. Because...er...I like spending time with you. If you know what I mean. You  _do_  know what I mean, don’t you?” He looked worried.  
  
“I think so. Is it alright if I call this a date?” Neville asked carefully.  
  
Harry’s face cleared and he broke into a huge grin.  
  
“Oh good! That’s what I was hoping this was.” He looked incredibly relieved.  
  
Neville smiled. “Then we’re on the same page. What type of beer did you bring?”  
  
“Dunno. Some sort of ale called Yellow Snow. Looked interesting.”  
  
Neville took a deep breath.  
  
O cruel fortune.  
  
  
  
Dinner went well in spite of both of their nervousness. They caught up, and told each other all about their work. They were both just a tiny bit sloshed. Harry was quite taken with Neville’s cooking.  
  
“This is delicious. You made it yourself?” he asked, taking another spoonful of soup.  
  
“Are you joking? I grew it!” Neville replied proudly.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“I grew the pumpkin and everything that went into the salad, too.  
  
“Wow, you’re full of surprises,” said Harry, impressed.  
  
“Thanks. So are you, I imagine.” Neville paused. The beer had loosened his tongue enough, and he thought that now might be the time to just get it over with. “Speaking of... last night you mentioned a secret that you considered telling me and I just want to say that I’m pretty sure I know what it is and I’m willing to consider it as long as I’m the one who gets to do the pissing.”  
  
Harry froze with his spoon halfway to his mouth.  
  
“Sorry?”  
  
“It’s just that, I don’t want you to do it to me. Er, sorry. But if you’re that into the whole thing, I guess I’d be willing to do it to you.” Neville thought he’d explained it pretty well.  
  
Harry put down his spoon, took a deep breath and gaped.  
  
For at least fifteen seconds.  
  
“You want...you think...where’d you...” he broke off. “You think I want you to piss on me?” he asked weakly.  
  
At that point Neville was pretty sure he’d gotten Something Big wrong somewhere.  
  
“You don’t?”  
  
“No!” he replied quickly. “Do you want to piss on me? I mean I’m game, I’d just rather not get pissed on,” he added nervously.  
  
“Oh thank Merlin!” Neville nearly shouted to the ceiling. He got out of his chair and began talking in a gush. “It’s that for some reason people keep wanting to urinate on me and you kept saying things that made me think you wanted to do the same thing and I’m really not into it at all and frankly hate the idea but I really like you a lot and always have and was willing to make an exception for you and that’s the whole story.” He stopped to catch his breath.  
  
“Does that mean that Percy–? Wait. When you say you’ve liked me since Hogwarts, do you mean you used to wank to me?” Harry asked suddenly.  
  
“Er...yes?” Neville admitted.  
  
“Fuck, Neville.” And with that he stood up and grabbed him and kissed him.  
  
God, his lips were amazing.  
  
“Your lips are amazing,” he said between kisses.  
  
He wanted to touch his cock.  
  
“I want to touch your cock.”  
  
“Merlin,” Harry panted. “That’s one hell of a mouth you’ve got there.”  
  
“You too.”  
  
Harry’s hands were already tugging on Neville’s shirt and unfastening his trousers. Neville did his best to do the same.  
  
“Why would I want to play pissing games when there are so many other filthy things I could be doing to you?” Harry asked in a low voice. Neville’s knees went weak at the sound of it.  
  
“I have-  _unh_ \- no idea.” Harry gripped Neville’s arse and thrust against him.  
  
“Let’s take this to the bedroom. The table’s flimsy.”  
  
Harry practically dragged him down the hallway to the bed, despite being far less beefy and brawny than Neville. He threw Neville onto the bed, tossed his glasses aside and pounced on him. He nibbled his way across Neville’s neck and chest, licked circles around his nipples, and Neville was so hard it almost hurt. Harry was pretty much humping his stomach while his hand reached behind him to stroke Neville’s cock.  
  
“It’s bigger than I expected. You know what I want you to do with it?” he asked, his voice shaking with excitement. “I want you to fuck my arse with it.”  
  
Neville let out an incoherent moan as Harry conjured up some lube. Neville scooped a bit on his finger and let it circle Harry’s hole. After three fingers he felt Harry positioning himself over his cock. Neville was on the edge of tears, it felt so good. So hot. So tight.  
  
“Oh you feel so good!” he choked out.  
  
Harry rode him like he’d been training for it. He started out with slow, teasing thrusts, and worked up to a steady pace. Even as he bent down to kiss Neville, which was something he seemed unable to stop doing, he kept his hips pistoning. Neville never wanted to do this with anyone else.  
  
“Fuck me harder, Nev. Fuck my arse  _harder!_  I want to feel you come in my arse,” Harry all but shouted.  
  
Neville grunted as he flipped Harry onto his back and let loose, thrusting for all he was worth. He came with a shudder and withdrew as soon as he was able, then moved down to take Harry into his mouth. It was all of five seconds before he was swallowing it all down.  
  
He kissed Harry’s spent cock and then collapsed next to him. Harry turned onto his side and pulled Neville’s face to him, kissing him deeply.  
  
“That was brilliant, Neville.”  
  
“It was. It really was,” Neville agreed.  
  
“We should really keep doing that,” Harry suggested breathlessly.  
  
“Merlin,  _yes_  we should.”  
  
“Neville?” Harry turned to squint at him. “Why do your sheets feel like plastic?”

 

_fin_


End file.
